The New Year

I have had a couple of blogs running around my head since the end of December, witty and insightful diatribes about life and what I have learned in the last year. And yet, here I sit simply brain dumping on to the internet. No real purpose, no great insight, just a jumble of my thoughts on this blustery January night.

I wonder if you ever go through down times. I do...not many, because to be honest my life basically rocks! I am blessed beyond all measure-not by the things I have but by the love and friendship that surrounds me everyday. I live in a modest little house with two crazy dogs and an even crazier mexican woman and I wouldn't have it any other way. I have a great job, that not only pays the bills but challenges me everyday. And even with all that there are times when my heart is heavy. I can't always explain it, and even if I could I am not sure I would.

I use to feel very guilty when these times would come. I would hear scripture in my head, "This is the day the has made! Rejoice and be glad in it!" and I would tell myself to buck up- quit being a baby and rejoice. I am quite sure that is the type of rejoicing God is looking for...or maybe not. I think we all go through these times, for any number of reasons, and I am not completely sure the reasons matter. What matters is that we all have them, and it is okay. I am reminded right now of Ecclesiastes 3 ..."There is a time for everything...a time to tear and a time to mend...a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance..."

As I reflect on these things I can't help but think of all the suffering in Haiti, all the pain and struggle those people and their families are now facing. It is beyond what I can imagine. I have no doubt that God aches for them, as we all should. Would it be proper to say to those people "This is the day the Lord has made..." I don't think so, and please don't think I am at all equating my heavy heart with the immense lost suffered in Haiti this week. Not at all, more I am taken by the idea that there are just times in life when things are hard, when things hurt, when pain feels more real than anything else. And as sad as it is, there is a time for all of this.

One of my students, who I have become close with, is from Haiti. Her mom is still there and she hasn't heard from her yet. It is gut wrenching to watch her each day- she is suffering in a way I will never understand. I have offered to help- which is truly meaningless and each day she says all she can do is wait. How do you encourage someone in that situation? What words will make it all somehow better? No words...no words will take her pain away, no discussion of hope and the afterlife will ease what I can only imagine is the searing pain she feels every waking moment.

I would love to end this with some grand insight or encouraging word, but I can't. The truth is, sometimes things suck. Sometimes we hurt, sometimes the world falls apart both literally and figuratively and when we struggle through those times, there are no words that can help. The only encouraging aspect of all of this is the truth that for everything there is a season...