My how things have changed...

I seem to be writing about sports a lot lately- and I promise to find other topics!! But I have to address something I encountered the other day.

On Sunday afternoon I headed out for my weekly 5 mile run. My path takes me by some beautifully manicured youth baseball fields which I usually enjoy. As I run by I find that my mind drifts back to my youth spent at Lion's Park in the River. I flash to images of hours spent fielding grounders and running bases with a gentle smile (which is a nice change from the commonly pained face I usually run with).

On this day the park was full of young baseball players wearing expensive uniforms, illegally parked SUV's and family picnics spilling out of motor homes onto the sidewalk I was running on. At first my irritation was related to having to navigate my way through grills and lawn chairs obstructing a public sidewalk, but the more I thought about the situation, the more I found I was frustrated by the whole scene. You see, all these proud parents of 10 year old baseball players had given up their Memorial Day weekend to camp out by a cement mill to cheer on their future major league players and I must admit feeling sad for them. Youth sports has changed so much in the last 2o years and this weekend tournament is a symptom of the bigger problem (as I see it). This is one of literally 100's of similar tournament played every weekend of the spring and summer and my guess is this is only the beginning of the summer traveling odyssey for these families. Gone are the days of playing for the local Little League against your friends and classmates. Do you remember trying out for little league?? When coaches picked players from the same pool, you were place on a team- you didn't choose one. If you didn't like your coach- you learned and adapted. If you felt you weren't playing enough or in the position you wanted to- you got better!!! And at the end of the season- an All Star team was picked from all the players in the league. That team- picked because of their ability, attitude and drive- represented the league at a State Tournament. The best of the best playing for the title of State Champion and the honor of representing your state in the regional tournament- fighting for a shot at the Little League World Series! The first and only time you traveled over night was to compete on a national level against other states. It meant something- you and your teammates had achieved something great.

Gone is the All Star Team...it has been replaced by the Select team. Parents will tell you a select team is an All Star team, but in reality it is not. Players jump from team to team until they (or in most cases their parents) find a place where little Tommy or Suzy can be the super star or play the position that they want. Weekly tournaments are all separate from one another, win or loose - you live to play the next weekend. Parents sacrifice every weekend to travel to exotic locations like South Everett or Yakima all so they can sit outside the fence and compare the stats of their child and discuss possible fund raisers so they can be the best outfitted team each weekend. Gone is the sense of competition, the drive for a goal. Playing has become a goal in an of itself. Also missing from this equation, is disappointment. Loosing has no real meaning, nor does winning. Players are not given the opportunity to feel the pain of disappointment, if you don't make the team, we'll find you another team. Parents spend more time finding ways to make sure their children never feel bad, that they don't teach how to deal with those feelings. Some of you may ask- what is wrong with that? Why not just play to play? Well at the risk of sounding too cut throat- do you work to work? Or do you work to be good at your job, to earn money, to move forward? Why is it bad to help our children avoid pain? Because- we all learn from our pain! When I didn't make an All Star Team- you know what I did? I cried, yes...I cried. Then I got my butt up and working getting better so I would make the next one!




What's my point with this long tirade? First off- don't have a picnic on a side walk! :) Second, some of the most important lessons I ever learned came from the joys and disappointments connected with the Little League experience. The experiences of having to be good to win, to make the team, to travel and compete. Failure didn't kill us, it challenged us. It made us who we are. Look at the picture I have posted above- what do you see? At first look, you might see some upset softball players. But you know what else you see? You see futures lawyers, teachers, Miss America contestants, mothers, friends, and most importantly, you see disappointed young women who became strong and successful adults. Every tear, every grounder, every sprint, every long fricken bike ride up to Lion's park was so worth it- because we are who we are today as a result of fighting those battles and learning how to win well and loose well. I can only hope that we are not cheating the younger generation out of those important lessons.

The World of Sport

Check out this article when you get a minute. And ask yourself what has happen to youth sports? What is that about people today that makes them what to drive out coaches who are working for way less than minimum wage?

http://seattletimes.nwsource.com/html/highschoolsports/2009218166_webprepnote14.html

I know that there are some bad coaches out there- coaches who cross lines with kids and do deplorable things. But these situations are few and far between. More often than not coaches are pushed out because parents don't agree with them. How dumb is that?? As you read the article you'll find this was a winning team preparing for playoffs and the parents were so brutal that a successful coach walked away. Some people call him a quitter, I think he's brilliant. I love coaching but I can't speak from experience- it is not worth the personal emotional toll that can be levied on you by parents who's only concern is the super stardom of their children. And it only takes one or two! In defense of the majority- most parents are not the problem- most are supportive and helpful. But those parents who come for you- those that come at you as a person and attack you- they take more than a pound of flesh- they take part of your heart. If you coach, you know- you do it for love of the game and the players and when people attack your love it can tear you deeply.

For me (as this is a highly personal issue) it is just sad to see how brutal and selfish people can be. It is just a game, it is kids, on a field with a ball- I wonder if those parents who go after coaches truly understand the depth of pain they cause not only for the coach but for the players who will loose out on them?

Those of you with children- you may not always agree with your young athletes coaches- but please remember- people coach because they love the sport and the athletes. Coaches make choices to help players improve and teams be successful, not to permanently scar your young prodigy. They will make mistakes, they may say the wrong thing or make an error in coaching- but they are humans- and beyond that they are adults. Treat them as such- if you have a problem talk to them as a peer- someone who is partnering with you to help give your child the lessons that will help them find success throughout their lives. Yes, some coaches are jerks, so are some parents. Assume the best before you go on the defensive. Ask questions in the proper setting, challenge the youngest of athletes to deal personally with the coach. But in the end...remember IT IS A GAME.

It seems as though the most basic lessons are the most important ones. Now I am not a parent (we can all breath a sigh of relief), but I would think one of the big lessons you start teaching a toddler is not to touch things that are not yours. It should be right up there with- don't put things in your mouth, don't hit people, don't wonder into traffic and don't lick the burner on the stove. It seems like those lessons are the building blocks for a mostly functional and meaningful adult life. And yet it seems more often than not I find that people lack these basic rules in there life!

Case in point: once month there is a group of us at work that chip in for pizza and Drumsticks (yes those tasty ice cream treats!!) It is the best day for a couple of reasons; #1- Dude it is pizza!! #2 You don't have to pack lunch that day #3 (and most importantly)YOU GET ICE CREAM!! So, today was our monthly pizza day and I was very much looking forward to that Drumstick!! It really is the perfect treat after a piece of pizza! There was a general sense of excitement among our group of seasoned and surly teachers as we prepared to partake in our frozen mid day treat. These feelings quickly fade as our fearless leader reported to us that someone had stole all the Drumsticks out of the freezer!

Now I realize this is a somewhat silly thing to get upset about it- I mean, really it is just ice cream, empty calories- wonderful, delicious empty calories. But when it comes down to it the bothersome issue is that we live in a world that people feel like it is okay to take something that is clearly not theirs. This should be one of the basic lesson we all learn as children- don't touch something that is not yours! I think as a somewhat functioning adult it bothers me that there are people (be it students or other teachers) who clearly have missed that lesson.

I think it stems from this sense of entitlement that has developed in our Western Culture. I have seen it as a teacher and coach- this belief that a person should have whatever they want whenever they want regardless of the situation or other people involved. Most recently I saw it when I received an email from a parent asking me to ignore my stated "no late work" policy and allow their child to turn in work late because she is a nice kid. Seriously??? What type of parenting is that? This to me is the height of our problems in America- we believe we have a right to special treatment because of who we are. We want rules- but we want to bend them to fit our personal needs. It is unfair if you bend them for someone else, but it is mercy if you bend them for me.

So why am I so fired up about the drumsticks? Why do I care so much? Because I have a sense of right and wrong and though I am completely aware that life is not fair and people sometimes are less than honorable- I think it is time that we take responsibility as a nation and quite expecting special treatment for ourselves or those we care about. Teach your kids lesson about what is theirs and what it is not! Adults, grow up- take responsibility and hold yourself to higher standards. We are not entitled to anything- work, earn, struggle for what you want. That is the backbone of greatness.

The End... and the beginning!

Life is change.  Just when I think that I’ve totally figured out what God wants for me...where God wants me to be....what I am suppose to be doing- then I realize I know bupkiss!

For the last twenty years of my life I have been playing or coaching basketball. That’s a crazy amount of time to dedicate to a game! I have finally come to a place where I am willing to walk away for the sport I have given my time, my energy, my body and mind too for  most of my life. As I player I found a certain amount of success in the sport (what can I say I got a free education out of it)- but I was never the superstar. Which again was fine as it paid the bills which is more than I could ask for! After college I pursued coaching and found a deep love for teaching the game that had taught me so much. And it is funny to me, that the lessons I learned from basketball are no long the lessons parents want their children to learn. I learned that sometimes no matter how hard you work or how bad you want something, you can be disappointed. I learned that life is not fair and I don’t always get the easy path. I learned that I don’t have to agree with my coach- I have do my job as a player (which has consequently made me a functioning professional). I learned to respect a position even if I don’t respect the person in the position. I learned how to get knocked down (both physically and emotionally) and get back up - because that is what you do. I learned how to deal my problems with people on my own. I learned that sometimes people say things I don’t like and I just have to deal with it. I learned that I am not always right (that one hurt more than any sprained ankle or stitches I received!) I learned how to take criticism no matter how harshly it was delivered and to critically evaluate myself and my performance. And most importantly (and probably the last lesson I learned as a player) I learned that basketball is a game- a competition of skills between teams. And because it was a game- it was a not a life or death event.  That, to be honest, was the most freeing lesson I learned- and sadly it came in my last year of competition. 

So what is my point? Change has come for me. This spring I have walked away from basketball. I resigned my coaching position as I have grown weary of fighting an uphill and constant battle with a culture of youth sports that has dramatically changed. For those who never saw me coach- I considered my self a decent coach, one who taught the game as whole. One who encouraged the heck out of my players when they were even just trying to do the right thing (be it in basketball or in life), but also corrected them and held them to high standards when they didn’t.  Did I make mistake- certainly! And I owned up to them- but in the end I found myself lacking the energy or heart to keep fighting a culture of political correctness in sport. 

It is with a certain amount of sadness I walked away. I had the pleasure of coaching some of the greatest kids I have ever met- kids with coachable hearts and a sharp whit that challenged me.  But in the end- my heart and passion could not hold up to the outside strains.

Oddly enough, though it is humiliating to fail at an endeavor (though failure in this case is hard to measure as I feel I was able to have some positive impacts on some players), I feel such a peace walking away. I know that this is just another change in my life- it has offered me the opportunity to reevaluate my professional goals, to refocus on God, and even to reinvest in my family and friends. Life is change, nothing remains the same, and no change is truly as tragic as it feels at the time. It is somewhat trite to say- but one closed door only means I can have open eyes to find other open ones. This change also serves to remind me of the truly calling God puts on mine life (and yours by the way)- 

“And you shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, with all your mind, and with all your strength....you shall love your neighbor as you self. There is no other commandment great than these.” Mark 12:30-31

Pretty simply right? Yeah, good luck with that! May each change remind us that we are here to love... love God...and love people. Everything else is just.... a game.